- S O C I E T Y K I L L S -

Sono tanti anni che non scrivo, mi ritrovo a guardare il giorno, il mese e l'anno e mi chiedo cosa sia successo a quell'avida scrittrice che ero un tempo. Forse ha messo via la penna, forse è cresciuta, forse sono successe tante cose, e il tempo manca sempre. E nel tempo che manca sempre, stranamente, il tempo scorre. E i giorni diventano mesi, i mesi anni e così via. È un venerdì pomeriggio e ho deciso di provare a godermi quel che rimane del "summer Friday". Normalmente dovremmo finire per le 3 durante i venerdì dei mesi di giugno, luglio e agosto. Ma per il ruolo che ricopro, da graphic designer, diventa sempre difficile riuscire a mantenere l'orario. E così mi trovo alle 5 meno venti a non aver organizzato niente, ma ad avere un bel pezzo di pomeriggio libero di fronte a me. Ed è così che oggi il mio problema, anche se in realtà non voglio proprio chiamarlo "problema", si concentra sulla creatività, sul creare qualcosa della quale tu sia fiero e che ...

E' una contina ricerca di parole, motivi e perché. É difficile, stare al mondo, é difficile stare al mondo a 28 anni e sentirsene a volte ancora 22, quando ancora non sapevi come andassero veramente le cose e quanto difficile fosse spalleggiarsi nella vita di tutti i giorni. Con il senno di poi però volgo lo sguardo a quella 22enne, confusa che di passi ne ha fatti e di gioie ne ha perse. Quella 22enne che ha perso un pochino la voglia di esplorare, di emozionarsi, di sentire che aveva in quasi tutti i giorni della sua vita. La cittá ti uccide, la cittá si spegne, la cittá ti spegne. Come ti riaccendi non lo sai neanche tu. Non sai quando e come poter trovare quella via di fuga che ti svegli di nuvo quegli stimoli che ti portino di nuovo a quel livello a cui eri. E quella gioia di vivere con la quale le persone si ricordano di te. Sei morta, estinta e l'unica cosa che puoi riuscire a fare e aggrapparti ogni giorno a qualche cosa carina, qualcosa che distolga la tua attenzio...

Me lo ricordo ancora quando lavoravo da Strada e la conobbi prendeva sempre quel piatto di pasta al pomodoro e nella sua semplicità c’era sempre qualcosa di sbagliato - doveva cucinarglielo sempre Alfonsino o al massimo Oleg e se non erano loro se ne rendeva conto subito. È sempre stato un testardo! Ma è quello che mi ha fatto avvicinare a lei, quando passava in ristorante era una gioia potermi sedere con lei e sentire le sue storie, quel periodo era oro. Mi ha sempre trattato con immenso rispetto ed io uguale, ho sempre fatto fatica a darle del tu. Lei mi ha insegnato cos’è l’amore anche se di figli non ne ha, lei mi ha insegnato ad apprezzare il vino ed il Piemonte. Lei che di tornare a Torino non me ne hai mai parlato, ma che per il suo papà aveva un’adorazione. E lo sentivo. Ci siamo visti poco, ma sentiti sempre. Quando ero via, mandarle un messaggio con le foto di dove fossi era un pochino come farle vivere le mie storie. E la gioia più grande è stata poterle raccontare del ...

I always had a word ready for my friends but when are you, talking to me from your age... I feel so inexperienced and unable to say anything to make you feel better, I’m telling you the stories from my family, my parents in Portugal, my little sister crashing her car and I love how surprised you look at me “She drives already?!” , little but not so little - I say - she’s 21 this year. I feel like time stops looking at you in this bed, unable to breathe properly, fatiguing so much to spill word after word. Smell like death and hospital around us, but you manage to keep a decent aspect being the same person I’d spend afternoons with smoking cigarettes and drinking Italian wine. You still joke about things; when the nurse asks you if she can measure your blood pressure you go “What would you not do for a lady” in your clean and perfect Italian. I always appreciate talking to you, hearing about your stories at the casino, about your beloved sword, about the martial arts. I appreciate you,...

Ti rimane il profumo di fiori in camera ed il sentore che non te ne stai andando solo tu, ma anche dall'altro verso c'é una certa stanchezza. Ti dai del tempo per pensare, per capire, la maniera migliore, dicevano (dicevo) é scrivere. Scrivere, scrivere, scrivere. Initerrottamente, freneticamente , come se fosse impossibile, ma dico impossibile . Fermarsi. Ho sempre pensato che le parole mi avrebbero portata lontano e fatto bene al cuore in qualsiasi forma; che fossero su un foglio di carta ingiallito, scritte a mano, in una brutta calligrafia o che fossero stampate e rilegate dentro un bel libro, su un display degli anni 2000 (e sempre tra le belle pagine di Baricco). Se no ho pensato per tanto tempo anche che quelle che mi scrivevo da sola, me la raccontassero nella maniera migliore in quella maniera in cui potessi veramente solo che crederci e capirci qualcosa. In realtá non ci capivo un tubo... era solo bello vederle scritte, le parole. Sto affrontando una nuova ...

E' veramente difficile quando cominci un nuovo lavoro ed hai 26 anni e sai che non sará il lavoro della tua vita, ma a questo punto della situazione devi solo cercare di andare d'accordo con tutti e fare in maniera tale che ti accettino per la persona che sei... E fidatevi fare ció in un posto dove sei l'unica persona che parla l'Italiano e tutti quanti parlano inglese non é per niente un'impresa facile. Ma, perché c'é un ma in tutta la situazione... se continui imperterrita ad essere te stessa prima o poi le cose vanno bene, cominciano ad andare per il verso giusto. Questo é quello che sto realizzando in queste settimane, che il mio lavoro mi piace, i miei colleghi sono amichevoli e sto cominciando a conoscerli tutti e farmi apprezzare per la persona che sono. Quando una persona mette le mani nella tua borsa per una gomma da masticare o per un accendino senza neanche chiederti il permesso non lo prendo come un atto di disrispetto, ma come finalmente un accett...

In quest'era dove tutto si muove cosí velocemente, meno male che ci sono i libri a stare ancora a passo con te. Meno male che c'é la musica che ti consola, meno male che c'é il cuore che scoppia. Non so come sia arrivata a questo punto della mia vita, al punto dove non sappia nuovamente di nuovo chi sia. Ho sempre pensato di essere una persona "allegra e solare" cosí mi hanno sempre descritto le persone, ma ho sempre anche pensato di essere solitaria e timida. Quindi il fatto é ? Una persona solitaria e timida per non chiamarla appunto "solitaria e timida" la si chiama l'esatto opposto? Cosí, proprio giusto per chiamarla qualcosa. Ho sempre pensato che precendenti esperienze mi hanno plagiata e determinata in questi ultimi anni, ma 10 anni fa ero sempre quella sul fondo delle foto, giá sono sempre stata un problema con queste foto. E' sempre stato un problema farsi scattare una foto! Ho ero troppo "grossa" o "mal vestita" ...

Here I am on the weekend before my return to school. It's Saturday night, I'm really lost doing my stuff at home. Lately, this is my routine and I do not get tired at all it rather, I have to admit, makes me quite happy and quiet. I came back from New York a few days ago and I must say that I recharged my the batteries there! I needed to see that city, every time I just feel home there, I feel I always have things to see and lots of things to experience, I feel I mustn't look too much for the best places because I know them. I feel like I know that city better than my dear London (or perhaps is what I like to believe in, just to feel a little closer to it). Although, that city always has something for everyone; brings love, takes it away, proves it and makes it known in its strangest forms. I went to Washington square park, where artistic people spend their afternoons... It's the city of the possibilities, it is the city of the jazz bars, the...

This summer was the best I’ve definitely ever had since I moved to London. Weather has been warm the whole time, I can’t even describe the feeling! Wanting to stay out, meeting up with friends, feeling like is never time to go home (however you really know it is the time), going for runs at the nearest park at sunset. People says that was the best summer ever...full stop! Now, apparently August is sweeping everything away with it, but also bearing time for vacation for me, in fact in about a week I'm finally leaving ! But this is another post :) ! ...During the summer I’ve come across Murakami’s book Norwegian woods. He was already known to me, I remember last year in Sydney I bought a copy for a friend of mine that was turning 40. I loved the idea of buying to her a really beautiful and well written book and doing my research I "met" Murakami. Since then I’ve always wanted to read that book and finally a few weeks back I was with my boyfriend in central London, ...

It was The Bridge. I used to love crossing it,  made me feel like I knew exactly how Brooklyn Bridge was! I grew up driving through it and under it with my father, with my mother, with my childhood friends, with one of the first boyfriends in route for a romantic drink in Piazza Delle Erbe, on a train to Sampierdarena. It was a symbol, Genova! It was where you could see the nearby Ikea, where you would have a second glimpse of the sea. Crossing the bridge was a ritual an experience more than anything... I remember a younger myself sat in the back seat looking outside the window at the bridge's ties, thinking how majestic it was, years passed by and it made always the same impression on me, even now, whenever I have to go to the airport after a mini-break, that bridge had always its charm. It was a spectacle. Imagine just this morning how shocked I felt when I've discovered what happened. The bridge collapsed. How can a bridge collapse? How can this happen in 201...

Good evening, almost a week has gone after the last post and during this time I came up with a different sort of conclusion. I remember that some time ago someone told: “You’ll be able to make a special bond with people from 16 to 24 years old - after that, you will see that it will get harder to establish a durable connection with people.” How true is that? I’m myself, in the situation where like I’m surrounded by many new people, but is so incredibly hard to get them to know me or even to get them to know me. And plus if you do get to know them, seems like there’s nothing interesting to look for in some of them. The other day I was talking to a friend of many, a really close one, she told me that we should never lose the ability to be curious and that is what takes a step further; was probably something I knew already, but how good it is when someone tells you in their own words? When you see that isn’t just something cloudy being pictured sometimes in your mind, but that curiosity ...

Guess what? My flight is an hour delayed, whilst I started to think about all the possibilities I have to get home at a decent time I thought I could dedicate some time to my blog! With great surprise is a pleasure to be able to sit here, in the airport departure hall with a little bit of time for me to think about the past days. On Friday, my father drove me to Serravalle where took a train to come and visit my boyfriend towards the South of Italy. It is incredible how life here is always beautiful! They say is boring as fuck, because from their side there’s nothing to do, but I think is just great. I totally mean it! Friends gather together at the bar, probably just smoking cigarettes and gulping beers! But they are together, talking, exchanging stories, updating each other on their own life. People down here are so warm, there’s a genuine interest towards the individuals around you. Every time I come back is a feast! Makes my heart so full! It is such a great feeling to be su...

Every time is the same odd feeling. I remember when I was a teenager was super easy to keep up with a blog, however, nothing really exciting was happening in my life! Now, with all the beauty and stuff actually going on I'm so struggling to even post a few words twice a week. I've decided to go through my blog once again. The last post I've read is from my trip to Bali. I was reading a few of them: ...getting lost in ricefield, Ubud's monkey forest... I'd love to be back there and live again those moments. Eating banana's pancakes and drinking piña coladas ...I'm trying to stay focus and live the present moment, although taking a walk down memory lane seems a very appealing thing. Before leaving Australia a person that I might consider a friend gave me an incredible book " The Power Of Now " by Eckhart Tolle. That book walked me till the end of my journey home. It blew my mind, teaching me how to see the world and live situations in ways that oth...

Eventually the time to leave Sydney has come. It wasn’t easy, people have been saying to me “Just stay! And start your life here.” So many things are keeping myself away from that thought! I’ve been living by myself for ages now, but I can’t still accept to be too far away from my roots. Is it so wrong? I’m trying to keep up with my life every single day, to be straight and in the position. Always ready, always prepared. To have all my things settled up in space, but a times isn’t a easy thing. Like trying to keep a blog and being faithful to it ( I’m pretty sure I still have to write the second part of the trip in New Zealand!), but being close home and have the possibility to hear my parents giving advices to me, makes an enormous difference and I’m not ready to give up to this and perhaps I’ll be never.  Eventually, as I was stating before, my time has come to an end and the only thing I can think of are the beautiful people I’m leaving behind. I made so many friends and I thi...

With August coming to an end, Australian winter is following, coming soon to an end; it wasn't actually as I imagine, I've thought Australia was never getting any cold, but I was wrong as most of the things. 😂 It doesn't get cold, but like for example t he weather has been great and the only thing I had to complain for were the cold winds coming from the Ocean which were incredibly strong and intense. I'd say that Australia  winter ❄️ reminds a little bit of English summer, just sunnier. 🤤 No longer ago I've turned 26 and for my bday, we organised a little trip to the Royal National Park, just a hour south from Sydney the park is gorgeous, full of nature, such a nice break from the city. And the weather played a wonderful role in it. (that's why a was so keen to talk about it at the beginning of the post). It felt so good to drive through the roads of the Royal National Park which impeccably gorgeous and well kept.  We stayed in this little vil...