How much I was literally dying to have that punk, gothic, emo style, because it did a lot "difference" to be and feel different. How little I did care about who read it and when. And when casually, through that blog, you virtually met people, that you start calling friends, whom you still have, but you will probably never see.
How complicated it is to get back in the game after 10 years and start to say something beautiful and publish it for the sake of leaving a legacy, having something written and just simply making a point in the world in such a way you never have to turn your back on what you say and write. Many years have passed, but the person you were is always there, just find her day by day, rediscover it and feel it again.
I honestly forgot what was like to go to a cafe, stay in a nice bar, have breakfast, go out alone and take a walk. Take yourself and shake it. Sit down within yourself. This is the time and the place that will make you rediscover many things I thought lost. Many sides of my character I did not know about existence, how much you can be in love with your solitude and the "solo moments".
I was created and shaped there and maybe I really needed to leave and feel it far away to be really ready to come back and love it again.
I think about the people that had been hurt, my friend so close to crime scene whom has escaped. I feel disgusted, what is happening is just crazy, I won't take any political part, because this is not about religion, about mindset, this is just about people mentally deviated. The worst of it is that is a virtual war, is not a physical thing. Is manifestation is physical, but its mind has no place.
How individual present and aware of what is happening, with all the confusion that our world can bring upon us, what are we able to do?
Internet got us confused, depressed, away somehow. Relationships are the only thing that keep us grounded, what if we get separated? What if internet will suddenly stop working in the world ? We will find our loved once, but for whoever has their main network of terror online, what will it be like ?
I'm just thinking about all these bunch of things and post them together. Hopefully it will make sense for someone.