Maybe English is not my language....

giovedì, febbraio 13, 2014

Me, myself and I

Has gone, everything into I was believing is gone, like water through pipes.

I don't believe in things that happen with unknown reasons so I'll just keep passing through everything is going on. I don't believe that person has came and gone without nonsense and I'm still thinking that a reason is there, and is not the experience, is not the good times, is useless cause at the end there was nothing to be happy with. Unreal emotions, unreal days. Is this sort of fake happiness that I'm still in love with? I don't want to keep it personally, but like the way like heart speaks anything does.

Halloween has gone and it brought with it, love, amazing feelings, dances like there was no tomorrow to think about until the legs were not in pain. Hands clasped, thousand of spins, smiles, hugs, then something happened just after Christmas to ruined everything and I got mad, I got mad till the point to get upset, sad and disappointed without any reasons. To be restless and irritable.

That person has gone, that person is walking away for her own way, without feelings or without being hurt (enough) from everything that happened. Is just happiness, will to get lost in time, in space, in thoughts, with music as a boat that rocks your darker and easier paranoia bringing yourself to a new world.

I came in London to find myself, I'm still in London and I haven't found anything that could really help me. I'm just experiencing, challenging myself and mind. Missing my family, parents, sister, brother, childhood's friends. I will keep that way. I will stay awake.

That's quite personal don't you think?

I would really love to talk about how wonderful my Christmas it was, with all my family, here and I mean ALL, the people living with me who are now what I used to call family in Italy, and my real family, the one connect through blood, father, mother and sister. They were here, with all of us, everybody under the same house. Everybody smiling having fun and good times. The best Christmas ever, it shouldn't be the one that I want to forget with my will and strength, but it is.

Thanks God, the NYE, has passed like it wasn't, I don't really have good memories and sometimes I'm still writing 2013 whilst we are already in 2014 is meaning something, I guess.

February brought to me a quick trip in Paris, which lasts for about 14hrs. It was seriously the best thing I'd done for myself since the beginning of the year.

Can you think about being next to the Louvre at 8am? None was there apart from couple of Korean people taking pictures, the square was mine I could scream, I could jump on the pyramid and none wouldn't have realized that. Instead I was quiet, my heart was quiet, my mind was quiet. And I spent the day just walking around through boulevards, gardens, buildings, caffes.

In the first afternoon I climbed the hill that is going to the Basilique du Sacré-Coeur and seeing Paris from that high was speechless. A massive quantity of tourists was there, it was Sunday and
contrarily to what people says I love Sunday, I love like everybody looks in holidays, happy in the family or couple, I was loving myself as individual person surrounded by Parisian atmosphere. I loved the artists drawing in the place behind the Basilique and Im quite sure that I was there as well, ages ago, with the worst face up, making drama cause my parents were paying an artist to do a portrait of me. That's make me feel so sad, my mother and father they were saying to me to smile and make an easy way to let the painter draw me properly. I didn't really care.
I would love to be that child again, ask sorry, sitting well, smile and wait patiently.

I would love to repair to all my mistakes in the past, they probably would have helped me to be a good girl today, to know who I am. 

With Love, myself.

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